Today in Republican News:

Newt The Leech - Newt Gingrich, or Mr. Speaker of the House as he likes to be referred to as, has redoubled his efforts to demonize Sonia Sotomayor. In an email he submitted, Newt has requested donations to assist in a campaign to “send blast faxes to every U.S. Senator, demanding they reject judicial activists like Sonia Sotomayor!” For less than it would cost YOU to send the faxes yourself, Newt offers to take care of it for you and simply asks for a donation in the amount of $25, $50 or $100.

Rush Redefines Crazy - Everyone’s favorite rotund republican, Rush Limbaugh, has taken the unusual step of comparing the Republican party to African-Americans prior to the civil rights movement. On his show, Rush has begun analogizing the “republican plight” as the plight of an “oppressed minority” who “willingly [goes] to the back of the bus.” Not content to stop his idiotic rant there, Rush calls for a civil rights movement for the republican party. Being out of power for the first time in 8 years is really shaking the extreme right if they can spout this nonsense with a straight face. “Washington D.C. is the old south for Republicans if you want to draw that analogy.” No, Rush. YOU made that analogy. The audio clip can be found over at the Huffington Post,  just scroll down to the bottom of the article.

Palin’s Failin’ - Sarah Palin will be appearing in the near future on The Colbert Report. What’s even more impressive is that Ms. Palin will be joining Colbert at an undisclosed location on an undisclosed date. Err…Well that was how it was supposed to be. Palin pulled a Palin and accidentally gave away the big secret, letting loose the location (but not the date) of Colbert’s upcoming special, which was heavily protected. She announced her upcoming visit via twitter, but it seems that she doesn’t quite get the whole “secrecy” thing. If anything happens to Stephen Colbert, I’m coming after you Sarah. In a pitiful attempt to cover up the leak, Palin’s spokesperson stated that the secret was not in fact spoiled. I left out spoilers (not that it isn’t possible to simply guess), but I’m sure you won’t be able to resist.

Poor Oppressed Republicans - And the final bit of Republican News today comes in the delightful form of a giant cruise ship. The ms Noordam of Holland America cruises will be the host of a Republican vacay, where for the paltry price of $14,000 per couple, for a luxury suite, or $5,000 for a window-less cabin ($6,000 for a window) you can enjoy the company of conservatives such as Karl Rove, Michael Novak and John Bolton. Unfortunately, this news comes at the expense of proving that Rush Limbaugh was wrong about his party. His party doesn’t willingly go to the back of the bus. Rather, they willingly go to the stern of a  Mediterranean cruising multi-million dollar cruise liner that is jam packed with fabulous amenities such as:

Vista Dining Room: features impeccable service and an extensive wine list. Five-course menus include continental cuisine, vegetarian and low-carb options.

Pinnacle Grill: This intimate venue offers an elegant, sophisticated dining experience. Featuring premium Sterling Silver Beef®, inspired seafood dishes and many select wines rated “Excellent” by Wine Spectator – as well as distinctive Bvlgari® china, Riedel stemware and Frette® linens.

Lido Restaurant: offers a relaxed ambiance for all three meals and features a variety of fresh, cooked-to-order specialties.

The Culinary Arts Center, presented by Food & Wine Magazine: our state-of-the-art demonstration kitchen for gourmet presentations, tasting events and intimate cooking classes.

Greenhouse Spa & Salon: features heavenly beauty and wellness rituals. Enjoy a facial, hot stone massage, steam in a thermal suite and have your hair and nails done for a special evening.

Vista Show Lounge: features talented vocalists, dancers, illusionists, comedians and variety acts.

Crow’s Nest: offers sweeping 270° views during the day, and a hip, fashionable nightclub each evening.

Club HAL®: our dedicated youth facilities and activities for kids ages 3 – 12; activities are supervised and age appropriate.

The Loft: designed exclusively for teens (13 – 17) to have fun, socialize and hang out with people their own age.

All that for $14k!? Can I bring my kids along? (I don’t have kids) Where can I send my check to? I swear, I don’t want to keep writing entirely about the GOP, but they just make it so easy. it’s non-stop content and I am only one person. Have a great weekend everyone!