Swine flu panic has hit the nation. It’s all over the airwaves. You can’t surf the internet without seeing something mentioning it. Such worry has to be justified, right? Well, it is if you are Catholic. You see, the outbreak has a definite pattern and the course of infection leads me to the one logical conclusion that only a reasonably prudent person could come to: Swine Flu is SENTIENT. First, it targeted Mexico, which has a giant Catholic population and now it has its icy grips on the poor group of Catholic high school students who vacationed in Mexico on spring break. There are reports that the flu has reached California as well, among other states. Ladies and Gentlemen, do you know what that means? This incredibly smart pig flu has already infected the two liberal strongholds of America! Where could its next target be? Oh no, Swine Flu’s next target logically has to be…The President! Noooooo! Oh wait, I think I’m getting swine flu mixed up with Sylar from Heroes.

People, Swine Flu sucks. But don’t let the media get you panicked about something that, while it may claim some lives eventually in the states, isn’t really that big of an issue. It isn’t a pandemic, and so far it has been mild in the states. Look it up on the internet, get your facts right, and don’t really sweat it. There are far worse problems in the world than a small outbreak of pig sickness.