The New Bobby and Whitney
Submitted by J Boogie [TLL] on Sunday, 8 March 2009Comments
By now, the majority of people who follow tabloids have surely heard of the infamous Chris Brown and Rihanna slugfest that ended in Rihanna taking a beating from the Michael Jackson wannabe (it is so nice that these “pop stars” all find creative ways to distinguish themselves from the King of Pop). From the photo, Mr. Brown surely dropped a real smack down on the young diva. Men, it is never right to hit a woman, though if you were a different black Chris, you might be inclined to shake the shit out of her. (Note: TLL does not condone the shaking of women) The allegations state Brown threatened Rihanna, saying, “I’m going to beat the shit out of you when we get home.” Rihanna did the prudent thing, phoning her assistant to tell her to have the cops waiting for her when she got home. Brown, not to be outdone, screamed “You just did the stupidest thing ever. I’m going to kill you.” Ahh the joys of being in a relationship.Mr. Brown was hit with two felonies, felony assault and making a criminal threat, last Thursday. He faces a maximum of four years and eight months in prison if he receives the full wrath of the law. But you know he will likely get a year probation and be sentenced to attend counseling, or some other crap. We jail potheads by the baker’s dozen, but oh no! Not a celebrity. I eagerly await to see if I’m proven wrong. But we live in a society where justice favors the rich over the rest of us. However, with O.J. incarcerated, Barry Bonds awaiting his trial, Michael Vick set to be released finally and little TIP walking the road to redemption, perhaps I will be wrong about Chris Brown. I wouldn’t mind in the least.
But the last “interesting” part of the entire story is the rumor that the new Bobby and Whitney had tied the knot. Allegedly, Brown proposed to his on again, off again, punching bag girlfriend at Diddy’s Miami mansion. Diddy, ever the matchmaker, set about to get the two to reconcile their differences. Who knew cupid took the form of a multi-million dollar rap mogul? If the two did indeed get hitched, one wonders if it was some ill-conceived attempt to invoke some sort of marital privilege. But as the beating took place in California, the state’s rules of evidence wont protect the pop star as per California Evidence Code section 972(a) and (e)(1). So maybe there’s something else going on here? Did he finally realize that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Rihanna after seeing her beaten and bruised face all swollen and bloody? That, ladies and gentleman is true love. The kind of love that can only exist between a man and a woman. Gays and lesbians can’t ever hope to attain this level of connection with one another. That is why California passed Prop. 8 in the first place, right? Because marriage, the most sacred and holy of all unions, can only legally exist between a man and a woman. What a fucking joke.
And with that, I bring my Prop. 8 position full circle. Did you see it coming? We hope you enjoy the last day of the weekend folks! TLL OUT!
-TLL
