The Diatribe: Rush Limbaugh Edition
Submitted by J Boogie [TLL] on Wednesday, 4 March 2009Comments
On today’s installment of Diatribe, we look at a man who is quickly becoming the new face of the Republican Party. But he isn’t new to the scene. You all know him. You might even listen to him. Today, TLL brings you the second victim of Diatribe: Mr. Rush Hudson Limbaugh III.Rush Limbaugh looks American. He has no discernible accent that would reveal his ancestry. He is a large, roundish man, overweight in the “only Americans get that large” sort of way. He was born in Missouri, a place that is as American as any state (perhaps too American). And he claims to be a red blooded citizen of the US of A. But don’t let all the hype fool you. Rush Limbaugh is not American.
Limbaugh is the glowing bastion of Republican Conservatism in this day. While the GOP scrambles to put together a face for the 2012 election, showcasing what has been a long line of disastrous attempts (McCain, Palin, Steele, Jindal), they fail to notice that they’ve always had their ambassador: Limbaugh. Kind of hard to miss him. He stands out from the crowd, like an 8 pound cheeseburger covered in chili, placed next to some White Castle. He’s also been around forever. I think he and Dick Cheney were cribmates growing up. That might explain why they are both socially inept douches. Limbaugh commands the minds of over 20 million listeners to his popular radio talkshow. He is as happy asthey come when he is talking trash about the Democratic party. And you can hear the slight elation when he announced that he hopes President Obama’s economic policies fail. With his new $400 million contract, it is a good thing that he stands to be taxed more, and if possible Obama should pass a new tax on people who are complete tools.
So why does Limbaugh want the President to fail? Well, because he wants America to fail. Obama stands as the first sign of change in what has been a highly corrupt, flawed Executive branch. He stands for so many different things it’s almost unfathomable to think of the pressure that he must be under. Obama, most importantly, represents the will of the American people. McCain got creamed in the Presidential Election. Obama won the popular vote by around 10 million votes, at 52.9% to 45.7%. That is a pretty decent margin. The electoral vote made it seem much further than that. So it is pretty clear that Obama represents the will of the American voter for something different than the Republican norm that we’ve had for the past 8 years. And Limbaugh wants him to fail. And thus, Rush is effectively saying that he wants America to fail.
Limbaugh aruges that liberalism has taken America dangerously close to the precipice. This is simply not so. The precipice of our current economic woes stem from Republican controlled, conservative policies. Alan Greenspan championed super low interest rates for potential home buyers, and has gone on to state that he regrets putting faith in those running the now-bailed out corporations. Phil Gramm (R), former Chairman of the U.S. Senate Committee on Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs was a pivitol player in passing banking deregulation laws that have allowed giants such as Bank of America and Citibank to nearly collapse. Chris Cox (R), the former SEC Chief was completely clueless to the Madoff scandal which has cost billions in losses, and even a few lives. So the calamity we are in now was not the result of Democratic policies. The 8 years of Republican control landed us in this mess, and by attempting to change the game plan (since it clearly hasn’t been working), Limbaugh is clamoring for President Obama to fail. What then, would Mr. Limbaugh like? To let deregulation continue, allow the greedy corporatocracy to fleece even more people for money, and let certain companies crumble? That would allow far too many Americans to fall beneath the cracks. AIG, as much as I hate to admit it, cannot be allowed to fall since it would have (and if you look closely into what they back, you will agree) disastrous consequences worldwide.
On March 19 of 2007, Limbaugh made “the magic negro” famous, referring to Yet-to-be-President Obama as a “magic negro.” So not only is Limbaugh Un-American, he is racist to boot. As much as you might disagree with him, hate him, love him, there is no doubt that the man is popular. And powerful. So powerful that he even got the new Republican Party Chairman to apologize to him after a brief spat errupted between the two party-members. But his popularity, which is quite real, does not necessarily translate into good popularity. Limbaugh is popular in that, love to hate him, sort of way. He actually ranks as one of the most disliked media-personalities out there. Rightfully so. The guy often has diarrhea of the mouth. He looks like a broke-Kingpin. He probably looks like Fatso of the Ghostly Trio in his KKK outfit. After some searching, some pretty abhorrent stuff has come out of this clowns mouth over the years regarding race, specifically aimed at African-Americans. So to finish off the segment, TLL leaves you with some alleged Rush Limbaugh quotes for you to stew over. Most of the sources for these quotes come from early on in his career, and it is up to you to decide whether they are truly quotes or at least anecdotes. But if you listen to the guy, which I have, he very clearly has issues with African Americans. And keep in mind that he is on national radio now, so with the current level of trash that comes out of his mouth, I only imagine he was much worse in his more youthful days and smaller audience. If you meet him, please spit on him for me. He deserves at least that much.
“I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.”
“Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?”
“Take that bone out of your nose and call me back.”
“Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks liek a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.“
And my favorite quote of all: “You know who deserves a posthumous Medal of Honor? James Earl Ray. We miss you, James. Godspeed.” (note: Basically impossible to find a real source for these quotes, I’ve done my best, but even moreso for this quote. But I really wouldn’t be surprised if he did say it. He defended the Barack the Magic Negro song after all. And that one CAN be verified.)
Rush Limbaugh, you are a horrible human. But please keep on doing what you do. You will only hurt your much loved Republican party more and more as you lose touch with more and more Americans. And one day, I hope you wake up to the sound of nobody listening to you, and for just a moment you shut up (that would be no callers, no ratings, no listeners showing up on the polls, just complete silence for Limbaugh land). Oh the joy I would take in your silence. Like the scene in The Matrix where Neo’s mouth closes up. That would be perfect. Even for 5 minutes. Silence would never be so golden.
UPDATE: An interesting tidbit just came across the line. Here is the official GOP Talking Point on Rush Limbaugh and his current news media hype: ”It’s a huge distraction created by the White House” to avoid talking about components of the budget, Boehner complained. “You would think the White House would have more important things to do.” – John Boehner.
So there you have it folks. It’s the White House’s fault!
-TLL
